Powerful, Not Perfect: Supporting Mothers Beyond the Bump

Pregnancy, birth, and those early baby days are often thought of as perfect cuddles, first smiles, baby giggles and everything cotton. But beyond the filters, well-meaning advice and what we may see on social media, there is a raw, unspoken reality many mothers live through quietly.

This weekend is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, which is close to many of our hearts at Kate Living. And after speaking to many mothers and understanding the struggles they faced, we felt called to use this space to gently open up the conversation.

This blog has been written to support mothers, from pregnancy to postpartum and onwards. There is no shame, but an understanding that we stand with you and want to show you that if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, disappointed, detached or just not yourself, you are not alone. You are not failing. And your strength is not defined by how much you carry in silence.

Hope, Not Perfection

Birthing plans… just the mention can stir up emotion, and many mothers we’ve spoken to have carried feelings of guilt or a quiet sense of failure when things didn’t go to ‘plan’. 

There’s a certain pressure that comes with the phrase birth plan. You create it with such care, hopes and intentions. And while there’s beauty in preparing, we also believe there’s power in letting go, holding onto those hopes without tying our worth to how closely the experience follows the plan.

Birth doesn’t always go as expected, many of us know that all too well. But that doesn’t reflect your strength. Whether your baby enters the world at home in water or in a theatre with bright lights and a surgical team, you have still done something deeply powerful. You adapted, you showed up. You brought life into the world.

Please remember, It’s okay to hope for a certain experience, and it’s okay if it unfolds differently. You still did the most incredible thing.

You Grew a Whole Human (Yes, You!)

This is something we don’t think enough about. So, let’s just pause for a moment and admire what our body’s are capable of. 

You grew a brain, a heart, two kidneys. You pumped oxygen and nutrients to a life inside you. You created blood. You shared your body, your energy, your strength. For a time, two hearts beat within you, isn’t that incredible? It’s a biological wonder. 

Also, did you know that throughout pregnancy your immune system shifts to stop your body from rejecting your baby? And during the third trimester, your baby takes calcium for their bones, even if you’re low, they’ll take what they need. Your body gives everything to help that tiny little human thrive.

And while doing that, you might still be working, sitting in meetings, cooking dinner, cleaning the house. It’s extraordinary.

Sometimes we’re so focused on what’s next, we forget to honour the miracle of what’s already happened. Whether you’re pregnant, postpartum, or years into motherhood, take a moment today to acknowledge your body, not for how it looks, but for what it’s done.

When Love Doesn’t Rush In

This one is tough to talk about, but that’s exactly why we need to, as it’s not talked about enough. There’s a story we’re often told, that once you see your baby, love will flood in like sunlight, and for many, it does. But for others, it doesn’t. Not straight away. 

After a long or traumatic birth, your body might be in survival mode. You may feel numb, shocked, or disconnected. And when that emotional rush doesn’t arrive, many women quietly start to question themselves.

Am I broken? Am I a bad mum? No, you are just human.

Bonding doesn’t always happen instantly, love can be quiet and it can take time. And in some cases, those feelings of detachment may be signs of something deeper, like postnatal depression. That doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Your love is no less real just because it came gently, or gradually.

We find that many women who see themselves as strong, struggle most to admit when they’re not okay. Because strength often looks like coping and smiling through the tears. But strength can also look like asking for help and letting yourself be supported.

Even just the fact that you’re reflecting on your experience shows the depth of your love. During this time, give yourself space to recharge, to restore your health, to be nurtured, because you need that too. And sometimes, it takes a village. Which brings us to...

It Takes a Village: Let’s Rebuild It

In our modern world, new mothers often feel a pressure to be up and doing, to show how quickly they've "bounced back." That phrase, we’ll say it again, needs to go. You don’t need to bounce back. You just had a baby.

Motherhood can also feel incredibly isolating. But the truth is, we were never meant to do this alone. In many cultures, the new mother is surrounded by her mum, her mother-in-law, her sisters, who cook, clean, and care for her while she recovers and bonds with her baby.

We've lost that community, and in its place, many mums feel they need to do it all. And while some might not want anyone moving in (and that’s okay too!), there are ways to welcome support without feeling overwhelmed.

Here are some gentle, meaningful ways to support a new mum:

• Spend time with her. Offer to come round, or to go out once she feels ready. Still include your mothering friends, they need you now more than ever.
• Drop off a ready to eat meal or some batch cooked freezer meals.
  
• Offer to do their weekly food shop, or send a takeaway to her door on a tough day.
• Hold the baby while she sleeps, showers or just breathes. 
• Tidy a room, fold the washing, or do a quick hoover.
• Listen to her - if she says she is struggling, let her tell you why, sometimes they just want to be held in the space of difficult feelings.
• Create a first aid kit with snacks, nipple balm, face wipes and herbal tea.
• Tell her she is doing amazing, that you are proud of her. 
  
• Bring over a supplement bundle designed to support her postnatal recovery.

At Kate Living, one of the first things we do for the mums in our lives is make sure they have the nutrients they need. As nutritional therapists, we understand what the body goes through, so we created our Fertility & Pregnancy Bundle to support women from conception to postpartum.

It includes:

• Omega 3: Supports baby’s brain and eye development and reduces risk of ‘baby brain’ and postnatal depression for the mother.

• Magnesium: Supports sleep, relaxation and nervous system balance.

• Vitamin D3: For bone health and immunity (yours and baby’s!) and helps prevent preeclampsia.

• Prenatal formula with 400mg folate: Packed with the nutrients to support you and your baby’s wellbeing through pregnancy and postpartum, whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Plus, it includes 400mg folate, which is more absorbable and easier for the body to use than folic acid. 

For us, this is how we show love, to help mums nourish themselves as they so lovingly care for their babies.

You Are Not Alone

Motherhood is layered. It’s beautiful, messy, and deeply emotional, and you are allowed to feel everything. You are allowed to reach for support, and you are worthy of being held with the same tenderness you give so freely to others.

No matter how many dishes are piled up, how full the washing basket is, or what the house looks like, you are doing an incredible job.

And if you’re reading this as someone who knows a mum to be or new mum, consider supporting her with the everyday stuff we mentioned, or gifting her our Fertility’ Pregnancy Bundle. It might be just what she needs to feel supported.